Staring my future straight in the face...and grinning

Barrett is leaving for boot camp in 3 weeks. Three....123. He will be gone for TWO months. Count em...1,2. I will be here for three months roughly without him. We've been married for five months tomorrow. Lots of numbers that all add up to "Shelby pitiful time" This time is a sad sad time. After he graduates from boot (in two months) I will pick up and move to Florida. I came from a small town. I'm moving to a BIG town. Oh the scaryness of it all. But you know what? I am completely full of amazing peace. Barrett and I are in Gods will for our life and I am reassured by that because of the blessings we receive daily. I have so many people saying Well I just couldn't do it or it wouldn't be the life we would choose....WELL DUH! If God had this plan for you it would be what you wanted to do or what God would be pressing on your heart to do. Barrett and I will never be "Normal" ever! I don't want to be....how boring. I will never ever conform to what the world wants of me. I am terrified to be pulled out of my little box but God has called us to be box breakers. I'm excited for my newest adventure!! WOO!

I feel.....

Today I feel a little lost in the world. I want to make some sort of a huge difference while i'm here on earth but I just can't seem to find what it is. I feel like more people dislike me then like me now days but to my face they are so super nice. My mom has always told me that not everyone will like you and sometimes you'll have no idea why. This is where I am. I would understand if I had called you bad names or tried to still your boyfriend or something but for no reason I just don't get it!! Anyway.....back to what I started out with. I want to be famous for something or do something that makes a big impact but I feel like I'm just sitting and waiting for it but I feel like its not going to show up. I know God is bigger than any problem or issue I have or will ever have. Today it just seems to large for my heart to handle. (sigh) I'm going to go watch The Flight of the Concords.

Crazy dreams, early mornings, and running on a treadmill....ugh

Its about eh 7:00 in the morning and I'm awake because of weird dreams and its hard to sleep without Bear(which will make boot camp an interesting time for all of us). In the past month I've had dreams such as....I have a baby girl and she and I are at my Mimi's (grandmother who passed away) house and I'm so extremely happy. Sometimes people are there and sometimes people aren't. All know is that waking up is difficult. Another is the dream that my family all thinks I'm fat and are talking to each other about it. Like they're all out to get me...hm. I've had miscellaneous scary dreams that I can't really think of but all I know is I woke up scared out of my pants! I've been trying to get back to high school Shelby shape but its not going so well. So this is were the treadmill comes in. Although I usually get sick running in the winter I keep on keeping on. Sooooo sleepy...geez